Discussion Board: Toddlers and Pre-schoolers

I have a very exuberant spirited 2 year old toddler boy and a 5 week old newborn girl. My son seems to love his new sister for the majority of the time until we start breast feeding. He has started hitting her while I'm feeding - usually the hits are directed at her head and I'm concerned that he is really going to hurt her. I know that this is attention seeking and that I need to put a stop to it but how? I have tried putting him in timeout but he thinks it is all a big joke. I've tried talking to him and explaining that I need to look after Holly just like I looked after him etc etc but it seems to have no effect. I try to give him plenty of things to do when I'm feeding, be it a book, watching favorite DVD or food - he still gets bored and ends up lashing out at Holly. I'm finding it really distressing and don't know what to do next, does anyone have any ideas? Thx

Hi, you need to get on top of that as soon as you can

I hope its under control now.

He will hurt her or cause perminant harm if he hits the fontinels. Perhaps you could put him in his high chair during breast feeding time, and if he throw a tantrum about it, just tell him its because he keeps hitting his baby sister.

My boys are 9yrs and 4 yrs, they are so very careful with their baby brother, now 3 and a half months old. They are just loud, extreemly loud!!

They got over the whole sibling rivalry thing very quickly. 4yo hit the baby once and I put him outside adn locked the door. He threw quite the tantrum, I said he was out there for the babys safety and that he could stay out there till he appoligised to his baby and promised not to hit him ever again and really really ment it.

It took about 5 mins. Hes not hit him again. He said he only hit the baby because his older brother had hit him and 4yo wanted someone he could pick on!!!

My daughter was two and half when my son was born and she whacked him all the time. She had NEVER been a hitter and had only hit once ever in her life until little bro came along. We tried to do everything by the book but it is so hard not to want to punish/ give some consequences for hurting a defenceless newborn - she even hit him on the head with a tennis racquet!

I wanted her to be able to form a relationship with him but I was almost afraid to let her near him without being on high alert. I found it all devastating. On top of this, he was a very fussy breast-feeder and she would be literally climbing on my head while I tried to feed him, as he screamed away - the first three months were AWFUL!

I read every book I could lay my hands on and every single one said 'praise the good, ignore the bad', so I guess that is the way to go. My only caution there is that I overdid it and almost started to give a running commentary on her every interaction with him "Oh, that's lovely, he loves gentle pats like that, good girl, Oh well done, yes he likes the block, no gently darling, we don't hit, just gently" and on and on and on! I think I ended up just causing stress and tension for her around her every interaction with him.

Anyway, he is now 14 months and it did get better and they adore each other. Things really started to get great when he started 'cruising' and was suddenly (almost) up at her level - she could make mud pies and finally someone would eat them etc etc!

I thought it would never get better but I think the best you can do is just referee without getting angry or 'over-parenting' and just allow that they need to find their own relationship with each other, independent of you. Just protect your baby physically until it passes and be assured that it will pass. Plus, make some time to spend just with your older one - not a big deal, just low key hanging out on your own without over-praising or talking about the baby.
Good Luck!

Our middle son always hits his younger brother. I guss its jeslously. If i cuddle or spend more time with our baby my toddler likes to wack the baby in the head. Since we cant hit our children, time is not working and i dont know what to do. mY baby always has bump on him.

Yep that happened with our newborn too. Big change for the toddler when some attention is not spent on them, and on the newborn. Our 2 yr old was hitting the newborn for a few weeks while breastfeeding, but it soon stopped after several reprimands. Tried putting her in her room etc for time out when she did it, but seemed to make it worse, so attention diversion worked best, put a dvd on for the toddler while breastfeeding!!!! Anyway hope its stopped in your house too now.

Post a message in this thread