5 to 10 year old child behaviour

5-to-10-year-old-behaviour

Are you searching for information and advice to help you as a parent to understand and help with a particular child behaviour problem or issue? Five year old tantrums? Shy six year old? Screaming seven year old? Angry eight year old? Nine year old with nightmares? Teasing ten year old?  

We provide excellent articles re 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, & 10 Year Old Child Behaviour — the major problems & issues, including discipline strategies, typical or normal behaviour.

Aggression

Aggression in children

Anger

The Angry Child

Arguing

Arguing and Back-Talk

Bedwetting

Bedwetting
8 bedwetting management tips for older kids

Bullying

Bullying 1
Bullying 2

Discipline Strategies

Nine Common Parenting Mistakes

Eating Habits

Minimising Mealtime Mayhem

Manners

Manners, Please!

Safety

Child Safety – Tips, Advice
Internet Safety

School

Helping with Homework

Self Esteem

Self Esteem Spirals

Sibling Rivalry

Sibling Rivalry 1
Sibling Rivalry 2

Single Parenting

Single Parents

Sleep

Nightmare, Night Terrors & Sleep Walking

Smacking / Spanking

To Smack or not to Smack

Step Parenting

Your Kid gets up my Nose
Step Parents

Thumb sucking

Thumbsucking

The Kiwi Families Team

This information was compiled by the Kiwi Families team.

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  • JulieMulcahy

    Hi Shereeo

    I am sorry I have just picked up your message – espcecially as this situation sounds so miserable for you and your lovely girl.

    In
    a complex situation like this I would suggest you ring and talk to
    Lorraine Sievers. She is a very experieneced Family Therapist and
    Parenting consultant. Her contact details are –

    H.E.A.L .Trust
    P.O.Box 28706
    Remuera
    Auckland 1541
    Phone: 09 522 9444
    Fax: 09 522 9044
    Mobile : 0274 921962
    Email : Lorraine@thehealtrust.org

    The
    H.E.A.L. Trust specialize in programmes that promote relationship
    attachment, healthy parenting skills and anger and trauma recovery.

    The cost of one hour session is income tested and is on a sliding scale according to the combined family income

    Parents
    are welcome to commence the first session and if they are not feeling
    confident that Lorraine is assisting their situation competently, then
    they are under no obligation to remain with her and are free to find an
    alternative counselor.

    If you do not live in Auckland I am sure she will recommend soneone locally.

    Often
    parents ask for meetings with school staff and include their
    counsellors in the meeting. This can be very useful for helping staff to
    realise how a situation is a affecting your child and to help put a
    solution in place.

    If the adoption is from overseas you could try contacting
    ICANZ
    Inter Country Adoption New Zealand
    Address: P.O.Box 96-124
    Balmoral
    Auckland. 1342
    Website: http://www.icanz.gen.nz
    Phone : 09 623- 9369

    All the very best for getting things back on track for your daughter.

    Julie

  • Shereeo

    I have a 9yr old who has always been a model student at school. SHe is
    adopted and knows it and it has never been a problem, BUT……
    About
    5 months ago she came home crying and told me that her teacher had told
    her that she was nothing special as she was adopted. I think she
    misunderstood the teacher, and that what was said was that just because
    she is adopted makes her no more special than any other child. I
    pacified her but took it no further. She says she hates her teacher,
    wants to be taken out of the school, causes problems galore and
    purposely causes untold drama in the classroom, not to mention being
    totally obnoxious and rude to the teacher all the time. She has
    confirmed the same story about being told she is not special to 4 people
    and i have to sit up and take notice now. The school will not change
    her to another class as I have asked them to. This will get her away
    from her present teacher and see if things get better. I cannot afford
    to send her to a private school which is what I feel needs to be done as
    she has lost all her confidence and doesn’t want to even go to school
    now. This is all from a child who has been at a mainstream international
    school since she was 2yrs old and has always been a model student with
    no problems and loves going to school.

  • Mamakirua

    thank you for replying to my epic account…

    the good news is the
    improvements have continued (there have been a couple blips of course
    (as he’s a 6 yr old boy!) but even they are better!) , and we really are
    back with the child he was before the introduction to schooling. and he
    took responsibility for this.

    we have always been looking at who
    he and that is what we want for him, however social acceptable
    behaviour is needed whoever the child is!

    No, i’ve never had any
    concerns with ASD. He has always been highly articulate, he has not had
    a blanket problem to mix, however it happens more easily for him with
    children older than him and older kids don’t always like this, hence
    where the problems have been with mixing and making new friends.social
    interaction in a school environment is not natural anyway and outside of
    school his social interaction continued to be normal, from my research i
    believe it is a myth that schools offer normal social interaction
    opportunities for children and if they don’t mix at school there is
    something wrong with that child. there could be a whole host of things
    happening why a child rejects the group or the group rejects the child.

    he
    has an extremely creative imagination and has never had a problem to
    express it in play or words. he has great negotiating/reasoning skills.
    he doesn’t like to lose or fail, he knows what he wants and can see how
    to achieve this, they’re his personality traits and makes him determined
    and tenacious which will be seen as great assets later in life, but
    makes him a difficult child, (and he still has boundaries to learn to
    ensure this determination does not get him into trouble later in life)

    i
    think you have perhaps hit the nail on the head why i am nervous
    getting him seen by others – there is a tendency to put labels on
    children if they do not do this that and the other, there are the terms
    of the moment, and people are looking for problems that society can lump
    together and deal with (it seems as if a disability to learning is
    easier to handle than a higher level than normal intellectual ability) ,
    but people aren’t sheep, and i have certainly not brought my children
    up to be. which might make them seem a little strange…

    An
    educational psychologist met our eldest at a christening and made
    comments which i was amazed at someone making about a 9 month old
    (because we accepted him as he was, didn’t worry about what baby books
    said and just went with the flow of his development speed so i just
    though he was doing normal things for his age) however what she said has
    been repeated time and time again since, the crux of which is that he
    is highly intelligent, and if i look at the MoE gifted and talented
    check list i can tick every one of the boxes, some three times over.

    kia ora ano.

  • JulieMulcahy

    Dear Mamakirua

    Thank you for sharing a little of your journey with a strong willed child.
    At “Parents Inc” in Auckland I notice they have speakers on that very subject(it is $10 to attend a session).

    Lots
    of parents reading your entry will nod sympathetically. You sound as
    though you have been a great parent – don’t see your son’s behaviours
    as a sign you could have “done better” – instead perhaps you could look
    outwards into the rich community of “experts” we have to advise and
    support us as we raise our families.

    At home, you might like to
    look at a programme devised to help children take responsibility for
    themselves and play an active role in running an efficient household
    free from nagging and minimising tantrum throwing.
    Check out this system on http://www.icandoitlifeskills.com.

    You
    might also like to book a session with a behavioural psychologist .
    They can look at your situation objectively and offer ideas and advice
    on dealing with difficult behaviours.

    At school , if your child
    is hitting out, then the classroom teacher will put in a referral to the
    Ministry of Education , Special Education ( MOE,SE). This is an
    excellent resource which is free to children who fit the criteria. The
    psychologists will be able to provide educational testing which will let
    you know exactly what is happening for your child educationally. They
    can also offer recommendations to the teacher on how your child best
    learns and how to cope with his behaviour in a classroom setting.

    Maybe
    you have additional concerns : perhaps you wonder if his fear of
    changes to routine and his rigid thinking mean he has ASD or Autistic
    Spectrum Disorder. This could also be discussed with the MOE,SE staff
    who would be able to get him assessed.

    Whatever you do ,
    continue to face what he is going through. Talk to his teacher , ask for
    help and never be afraid to say I don’t know what to do now. Great
    parents love their children for who they are not who they want them to
    be and take it from there.
    Your little boy is so lucky you are
    concerned , and yes , you do sound as if you need some proffessional
    support and advice for behaviours that will not help your son in school
    or to socialise with his peers.

    Please write again if you would like some contacts in the area that you live.
    All the very best

  • Mamakirua

    the good news is continuing…

  • Mamakirua

    my despair of yesterday might have been a little quick off the mark, i
    had been unaware of the behaviour at school, home behaviour wasn’t too
    bad so i was thinking all was well at school, so when we were informed
    we took action, re-affirmed our expectations, made it clear he was
    responsible for own actions and getting good reports, he was in charge
    whether or not he got nice things at home, or had to go without, sent
    him off to school with this positive but clear message he was in charge
    of the outcome.

    and he came home with a note saying he had had a
    good day, done everything that was asked of him, he said he felt good
    bring this note home,

    and the way he was at home yesterday and this morning, was our son from before he started school, helpful, kind, considerate.
    we
    still have a strong willed son, but something clicked that he wanted to
    be nicer, was less angry with the world and wasn’t looking at every as
    the glass is half empty rather than half full.

    i still think he
    was freaked out about school being what it should be and he was testing
    his teacher, this however was not acceptable, but we have always been
    consistent and he immediately got the message that we were working with
    the school and not tolerating this nonsense when we knew he was capable
    of good behaviour.

    however this is early days and time will tell if we are over the worst or not

    yesterday
    i felt so down about all this, and this forum was an excellent release
    so thank you, however if anyone reads this and sees something i’ve
    missed which may help i’d appreciate hearing about it!
    thanks again

  • Mamakirua

    cont…up to nearly 5 and the upturn in his school life he was a well
    behaved, lovely boy who had deep consideration for others needs and
    played and shared beautifully with others (always had a natural tendency
    to lead), now he wants to just be the boss and wants to assert his
    views of play on others. it is fair to say none of the problems we now
    have showed themselves at kindy, i can pinpoint the problems in
    behaviour starting to when he was bored at his first school and now it’s
    all escalating – we’ve agreed to the school getting him assessed but we
    don’t want him getting a label that will stick with him for life
    because i still believe this although totally unacceptable and not an
    excuse or vindication, is him being more settled at school, and this has
    freaked him out

    ….we feel we are caught between the devil and the deep blue sea at the moment…

    thanks and sorry about the length

  • Mamakirua

    cont…We know he doesn’t like to try new things until he can do them
    perfectly (this trait has been there since he was little) – eg riding
    his bike, colouring in and swimming he refused to do before he could
    actually do it well – he does not like to fail, however he was always a
    very confident baby and toddler – he clapped himself at his own
    achievements before age 6months, as parents we have always encouraged
    him.

    I’ve taken a hard long look at the past 6 years and feel i
    can honestly say we have never put pressure on him with anything, never
    given him unreasonable expectations etc etc) we have just always
    encouraged him to give things a go.

    We moved back to NZ just
    before he was 5. his first year of schooling has not been smooth, at
    the first school the teacher was shouting stupid and naughty at the
    class and all he was doing was colouring in all day, so we moved him
    (this is when the violence started – directed at me and/or the car when i
    picked him up, he was perfectly behaved at school), at the second he
    was not doing any work in class and he was bored, they did not bother
    assessing his stage of maths and he was working below the level he was
    at when he started at the school (again well behaved at school, just
    took it out on me/the car/his brother when i collected him). so we used
    the fact he was not settled there as a good reason to move closer to my
    husbands work and he’s been at the new school for nearly 4 weeks, and he
    is throwing chairs, kicking, screaming shouting when he is asked to do
    something, if anyone upsets him he will lash out at anyone (not the
    person that has upset him. and makes threats of violence we thought he
    was happier and more settled, because we were not getting as much of
    this at home and he was calm when i collected him- we thought the
    consistency was paying off as was the move to a different school so were
    mortified by what the teacher told us about his disruptive behaviour in
    class.

    In conversation he knows he is responsible for his own
    actions, he knows he should treat other people with respect (ie do as
    teachers/adults ask immediately, treat other people nicely, not hurt
    them or threaten them, control feelings of anger( it’s ok to feel angry,
    but control frustration by politely excusing himself, taking a deep
    breath, counting to 10 etc))

  • Mamakirua

    To set the scene we have 2 wonderful, highly intelligent gorgeous boys,
    it is the eldest who is potentially at the top end of the gifted and
    talented category and with whom we have a problem. Something which
    started of just being taken out on me and now it appears has started at
    school, ( when things have been better towards me! so was a huge shock
    to discover)

    I have always set boundaries, been consistent and
    applied consequences for inappropriate behaviour, I have avoided getting
    into arguments when he has not accepted consequences. we have also
    rewarded good behaviour.

    He continues to be strong willed, and
    not care one bit about consequences, despite knowing that screaming and
    arguing will lead to further removal of privileges he will scream and
    shout and get violent or turn round and say he doesn’t care about the
    privilege you have taken away from him (although you know for a fact he
    really wanted to go to the park or similar) he will just say “i don’t
    care, i don’t want to do that now”.

    The most delightful,
    sensitive child when he is not wanting to be strong willed. but when he
    wants to be strong willed, nothing appears to stop him wanting to be
    that.

    Always very honest and has an incredible sense of right and
    wrong (which makes his behaviour even more puzzling). he is very
    affectionate, and there are lots of cuddles and hugs/kisses in our
    house, lots of happy music making as a family and lots of shared story
    time reading. His school work which we’ve been shown good/excellent, his
    attention to detail is excellent, he loves to write stories and read
    books, do maths, he loves to explore and talk about ideas. TV has been
    minimal and age appropriate. i have been child lead in my parenting
    style but have applied boundaries consistently.

    Always had excellent reasoning/negotiating skills (which i admit has been a challenge!). He has always had a questioning mind.

    His
    strong will has it’s advantages though, he perseveres with lego and
    jigsaw puzzles and is way above his years with both, but if he makes up
    his mind he does not want to do something there is no convincing him (
    it’s as if he knows best)

    He is kind, caring, helpful so much of
    the time but then he can be defiant, deliberately &
    indiscriminately physically hurtful as soon as things do not go his own
    way, he will throw massive tantrums and being told of/finding out about
    (a known) consequence will just lead to another.

    I think it’s
    fair to say since he was 4 he has developed a dislike to change and has
    struggled this with the last couple of years. tbc

  • Momo Chaine

    I fail to see how telling a child “no” when they are doing something dangerous is trying to force them to be convenient. Yes, children need to be engaged and given opportunities to play, learn, and mirror your activities. Learning the world does not revolve around them is also an important lesson. I don’t let my son hit his sister, or give him something else to hit. He gets told that is not appropriate, and if it continues – he gets a time out. Dropping everything to cater to your child is not doing them any favors. Learning to wait a minute while you change another child, or set out lunch is not unreasonable.” http://www.al3ab66.com

  • thanck you for this information العاب فلة العاب واي فلاش

  • data12

    thank u sir
    http://y50y.com/

  • I fail to see how telling a child “no” when they are doing something dangerous is trying to force them to be convenient.

  • hguhf

    the good news is the
    improvements have continued (there have been a couple blips of course
    (as he’s a 6 yr old boy!) but even they are better!) , and we really are
    back with the child he was before the introduction to schooling. and he
    took responsibility for this.
    العاب دورا
    العاب tt4
    العاب 2016
    العاب hguhf
    العاب al3ab

  • Farid

    Are you searching for information and advice to help you as a parent to understand and help with a particular child behaviour problem or issue? Five year old tantrums?

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