SO many embarrassing things happen when you’re a parent. As you pass through the years of parenthood, your resilience grows – or at least I’ve found I’ve learnt to care less what people think.
I recall my first postnatal trip to the supermarket – newborn proudly on display with me. I expected every passerby to bask in the beauty of my offspring; making note of how delightful and peaceful he appeared to be. Instead it was roughly the vegetable aisle when he started wailing to be picked up, fed, cuddled. All of those newborn essentials that are difficult to achieve with a shopping trolley containing not only your groceries, but all and sundry that a newborn might need while out and about. Passersby didn’t seem to mirror the pride I felt. It seemed all eyes were on me, urging me to hush my child so they could enjoy perusing eggplants and apples.
I was completely overwhelmed, and ever since, have endeavoured to perfect a quick look of compassion in the direction of any other new parent trying to function in an everyday task with a tired newborn attached to them. A little familiarity with the situation never goes astray does it?
When I brought up this situation to my coffee group recently, I saw that look of compassion from those who had been there – and those that knew me and knew that I wanted to prove I was capable of getting a few groceries a couple of weeks after delivering my son.
It’s a funny thing that when you show vulnerability, others don’t mind doing likewise. Walls crumble when experiences are shared! My experience of feeling overwhelmed at completing an everyday task while satisfying the deep and undelayable needs of a newborn brought up a host of shared experiences that you wouldn’t know whether to laugh or cry at. It was similar to the day I bravely spoke up about my experiences with pregnancy, recovery from childbirth and the light bladder leakage that I’d experienced (detailed in my previous post). Others spoke up too – I wasn’t alone.
Lucy shared with everyone about her experience and she said I could share her experiences here. She says: “Actually LBL didn’t take me by surprise that much when I got pregnant. I’d had this hacking cough a couple of years ago, one of the ones that comes from deep within you somewhere and you have to surrender to it or die of discomfort. After a while of enduring the coughing, assuming that at some point my lungs would have to clear themselves… I found I was sometimes leaking a bit of urine while in the throws of expelling my lungs! Eeeeeeek. I actually didn’t know what to do back then, but eventually the cough did subside and so did my other symptoms. When LBL started happening again during pregnancy, I got right into my pelvic floor muscle exercises as described by my midwife. Sometimes just the exercises seemed to cause a leak! It took me a while to master all of that.”
Another friend, Clare, talked about her experiences. “I had a long labour with my first child – he was in the posterior position and was well and truly stuck. In consultation with doctors, we decided on forceps as it was the least damaging to my baby. While I understood it would mean a much longer recovery time for me, I had no idea that it would have a long term affect. I’ve had LBL for a few years now and always wear an LBL liner. It can be really important when I’m trying to get somewhere important on time – the means the fear of an LBL accident is always in the back of my mind.”
Clare also noted that not all lbl liners are created equal. You need one that makes you feel confident, preferably that you can wear all day long and still feel protected.
Having heard a variety of experiences from my peers, I decided to further test my theory about feeling better when being honest about what I’m going through (or by sharing those parenting situations that have caused me to feel totally overwhelmed in the past). The opportunity arose over coffee with mum. Somehow coffee and mum always bring out the truth. She opened up about her own experiences, and said it was during menopause that she noticed some light bladder leakage. She used to find treating it really difficult, due to the products available and the discomfort some of them caused. She even said she’d try to drink less to not have to deal with the discomfort! Ick. I felt for her – so I shared my discovery of Carefree Plus Liners and told her to give them a try. Again, a little familiarity, a little shared experience. It all helps, on this rocky road of life!
Whatever embarrassment you’ve endured as a parent – whatever those moments are that make you want to well up in tears or cause you to feel overwhelmed even months, or years later – you can rest assured that you’re truly not alone. Just have a chat to other parents you know. You’ll be surprised what they’ll share when you’re frank about what you’ve gone through – and you’re bound to feel a bit of relief too.
It’s also nice when a familiar face greets you in the light bladder leakage section in the supermarket. Carefree has launched new Plus liners for Light Bladder Leakage. They absorb more fluid than period liners† but are still thin and discreet so you can stay comfy and dry all day, every day.
For a free sample, head to becarefree.co.nz/plus
®Registered Trademark Johnson & Johnson †Compared to Carefree Original Liners
This post was sponsored by Johnson &Johnson Ltd.
