You know that feeling at 2.47am when you have tried feeding, rocking, shushing, pacing the hallway, and negotiating with the universe – and your baby is still wide awake like it’s a daytime nap? If you’re searching for how to get a baby to sleep, you probably don’t want theories. You want something you can do tonight, and then repeat tomorrow without losing your mind.
This is the calm, practical version: what actually helps most babies sleep better, what to tweak when it’s not working, and where the line is between “normal baby sleep chaos” and “we need more support”.
Before you start: what “good sleep” looks like for a baby
Baby sleep is not adult sleep. Babies cycle through lighter sleep more often, wake more easily, and in the early months they genuinely need night feeds. So the goal is not a baby who never wakes. It’s a baby who can get enough total sleep across 24 hours, and a parent who has a plan for wakes that doesn’t involve starting from scratch every time.
It also depends on age. A newborn is doing survival sleep. A 6-month-old can usually handle more predictability. A 10-month-old might be in separation anxiety mode and protesting bedtime like it’s their job.
How to get a baby to sleep: start with timing, not tricks
Most bedtime battles are really timing problems. When a baby is overtired, they can look wired: lots of crying, arching, frantic rooting, and repeated waking shortly after being put down. When they’re undertired, they treat bedtime like a nap and pop back up.
A helpful anchor is wake windows – the time your baby can comfortably stay awake between sleeps. These change fast, especially in the first 6 months. If you do nothing else, track two things for three days: when baby wakes for the day, and when they fall asleep for naps and bedtime. You’re looking for patterns, not perfection.
If bedtime is a daily disaster, try moving it earlier by 20-30 minutes for three nights and see what changes. If baby is taking ages to fall asleep and then sleeping lightly, move it later by 15 minutes. Small shifts beat dramatic overhauls.
Build a bedtime routine that signals “sleep is next”
Routine is not about being fancy. It’s about repetition. Babies learn through predictability, and your body learns it too. A bedtime routine should be short enough that you can do it even when you’re shattered.
Aim for 15-30 minutes. Same order, same vibe, same place. Low light, quiet voices, no bright screens in baby’s face. If you’re feeding before bed, keep it calm and boring – this is not the time for a full chat and a big play.
If your baby falls asleep only while feeding, that’s not “wrong”. It just means feeding is currently the main sleep association. You can keep it, or you can gently change it if it’s causing constant wake-ups and you’re the only one who can resettle.
What to say (to yourself) when you’re tempted to change everything
“Tonight I’m changing one thing, not ten.”
Sleep improves when parents can stick with a plan long enough to learn what’s working.
Choose a settling method you can actually repeat at 3am
There are lots of ways to settle a baby, and families get very tribal about them. The best method is the one that suits your baby’s temperament, your comfort level, and your capacity. There are trade-offs with every approach.
Some babies do well with gradual methods: patting in the cot, shushing, picking up to calm then putting down, offering a hand on the chest, or staying in the room while they drift off. This can feel kinder and more manageable, but it can also take longer and involve plenty of protest.
Other families choose a more structured approach with timed checks, where you put baby down awake and return at set intervals to reassure without fully resettling. This can work quickly for some babies, but it can feel emotionally intense.
And some babies, especially younger ones, simply need more hands-on settling for a while. If you’re in the newborn stage, you’re not failing – you’re parenting a brand-new human with no idea how to sleep.
Whatever you choose, decide what you’re aiming for. For example: “Baby falls asleep in the cot with my help” is a perfectly valid goal. If your goal is “Baby falls asleep independently”, accept that it usually involves a transition period with some crying and frustration, even with gentle methods.
Fix the environment: boring, safe, and consistent
Sleep is easier when the environment does half the work.
Keep the room dark for naps and bedtime. If your baby is easily distracted, a bright room can turn every tiny sound into an invitation to party. White noise can help mask household noise and siblings, and it can be a cue that sleep is happening.
Check temperature and clothing. Overheating can cause restless sleep, but being cold can too. Feel baby’s chest or back rather than hands and feet, which often run cool.
Follow safe sleep guidance: baby on their back, on a firm, flat surface, with a clear sleep space. If you’re so exhausted you’re at risk of falling asleep holding baby, plan for safer alternatives before it happens. That might mean taking shifts, setting up a feeding space that reduces risk, or asking a partner or family member to do a supervised settling stint.
Night wakes: stop “starting bedtime” again
Night wakes are normal. What matters is how you handle them.
Pick a simple night-wake script and use it every time, so you’re not inventing a new strategy in the dark. For example: pause for a moment, listen, then respond in the least stimulating way that works.
What to do in the moment
If baby wakes, try a short pause first (30-60 seconds) if they’re just fussing. Some babies resettle. If the cry escalates, go in.
Keep interaction minimal. Low light. Quiet voice. Quick nappy change only if needed. Then back to the usual settling method.
If you feed at night, feed – but keep it calm. If you suspect feeding has become the only way baby can return to sleep, start by changing just one wake. For that wake, try resettling first (patting, rocking, dummy, hand on chest), then feed if needed. You’re gathering information: hunger or habit?
Daytime habits that quietly make nights easier
If naps are chaotic, nights are often chaotic too. Not always, but often.
Prioritise the first nap of the day. It sets the tone. If you can get one decent nap (even with help), it can reduce the late-afternoon overtired spiral.
Get outside daily. Daylight helps regulate circadian rhythm over time, and fresh air can calm both of you. If you have older children, make it a school-run walk, a pram nap, or five minutes in the garden. It counts.
Also, check feeding across 24 hours. A baby who isn’t getting enough milk or calories by day is more likely to wake frequently. If feeding feels off (poor latch, short feeds, slow weight gain, constant distress), get support early.
When sleep falls apart: common culprits parents miss
Sometimes you can have a solid routine and still feel like you’re losing. Here are a few frequent reasons.
Sleep regressions are often skill jumps: rolling, crawling, standing, babbling. Baby’s brain is busy, and sleep takes a hit.
Teething can disrupt sleep, but it’s rarely weeks of constant wake-ups on its own. If it’s extreme, look wider.
Illness, reflux symptoms, eczema itch, or blocked noses can make lying flat uncomfortable. If baby’s sleep changes suddenly and stays bad, consider a health check.
Separation anxiety is real, especially around 8-10 months. You might need extra reassurance at bedtime, a slower put-down, and more consistent responses overnight.
And sometimes the “problem” is simply that your baby is lower sleep needs than you expected. If your baby is happy, developing well, and sleeping less than the charts, you may be trying to force a schedule that doesn’t fit.
If you’re co-parenting: get on the same page fast
Sleep is where resentment grows, because nights feel endless and unfair.
Have a ten-minute daytime chat. Decide who responds to which wakes, whether you’ll alternate nights, and what your chosen settling method is. If one parent is doing all night wakes because “baby only wants you”, you can still share the load by having the other parent do the bedtime routine, early evening settling, morning wake, laundry, or bottle prep.
If you want a bigger library of stage-based sleep and feeding support you can dip into without overthinking, Kiwi Families is built for exactly that kind of day-to-day parenting decision fatigue.
When to seek extra help
Trust your gut. If your baby is not feeding well, not gaining weight, has breathing issues, persistent vomiting, blood in stool, a fever in a young baby, or you’re worried about their health, get medical advice.
If you’re coping badly – rage, panic, intrusive thoughts, or you’re scared you might fall asleep in unsafe situations – that is also a reason to seek help. Sleep deprivation is not a character test.
A closing thought for tonight
Pick one change you can stick with for three nights: shift bedtime slightly, tighten the routine, or handle night wakes with the same low-stimulation script. Baby sleep rarely improves because you tried harder. It improves because you got more consistent, and you gave both of you a chance to learn what happens next.
