The first time your child asks for a phone, it rarely lands as a neat, rational question. It lands while you are making tea, packing lunches, late for pick-up, and they casually add: “Everyone has one.” Suddenly you are not choosing a device – you are choosing independence, access, risk, and one more thing to manage.
If you are Googling what age should kids get a phone, you are probably not looking for a single number. You are looking for permission to make a call you can live with, and a plan that does not turn into daily battles.
What age should kids get a phone? Start with the real reason
A phone can be a tool, a toy, a social lifeline, a camera, a homework machine, and a 24/7 portal to other people’s influence. The “right” age depends less on the child’s birthday and more on what you need the phone to do.
If your main reason is safety and logistics (walking home, catching the bus, after-school sport), a basic phone or a tightly locked-down smartphone can make sense earlier. If the main reason is social belonging, that is real too – but it is also where pressure ramps up fastest, because messaging and group chats are where much of the drama (and exclusion) happens.
A useful starting question for parents is: “What problem are we solving?” If the problem is “I can’t reach you if practice moves,” you do not need a pocket-sized internet.
Typical ages and what they usually mean in real life
You will see everything from “not before 16” to “they need it by Year 5.” Here is a more grounded way to think about it.
Ages 7-9: usually not a phone problem
At this age, most children are supervised most of the time. If you want a way to contact them, consider a shared family device at home, a kids’ smartwatch with calling limited to approved contacts, or a basic phone that stays in the school bag and comes out only when needed.
If you do choose a phone this early, the biggest risk is not that they will “get addicted” overnight. It is that the habit forms before the boundaries do. Small children also struggle with impulse control – which matters when a stranger messages, a pop-up appears, or a friend dares them to send something silly.
Ages 10-12: the crossover years
This is the window many families land in because independence starts to expand: walking to mates’ houses, after-school clubs, more time out of your direct line of sight. It is also the age when group chats begin to matter, and when online content can take a sharp turn.
If you give a phone in this stage, treat it as a staged licence, not a graduation gift. Start simple, build trust, and keep the rules boring and consistent.
Ages 13-15: social life moves onto screens
By early teens, a phone can feel non-negotiable because so much organising happens digitally. The trade-off is that the social pressure can be relentless – and so can the access to porn, gambling-style games, anonymous accounts, and adults who should not be talking to teenagers.
If you are holding off until secondary school, you are not being unreasonable. If you are saying yes, you are not “giving in.” You are choosing to parent the phone years while they still live under your roof.
Ages 16+: more freedom, more responsibility
Older teens still need boundaries, but the focus shifts. Instead of controlling every setting, you are coaching judgement: what to post, what to ignore, how to exit a situation, how to get help fast. A late-first-phone teen can still get into trouble quickly if they have not had conversations about sexting, consent, and digital reputation.
The maturity checklist that matters more than age
Try this as a quick reality check. Your child does not need to be perfect, but they should be developing these skills.
Can they follow a house rule without daily arguments? Can they cope when you say no? Do they generally tell you the truth when something goes wrong? Are they able to sleep without needing stimulation right up to lights out? Do they understand that people can pretend to be someone else online?
Also look at your household capacity. A phone for a child creates work for parents: setting it up, checking in, noticing mood changes, handling conflict, and being the “bad guy” when limits are tested. If you are already carrying the mental load, build a plan that is sustainable, not idealistic.
Choose the first phone like you choose the first bike
You would not hand a child a high-performance road bike and hope they figure out traffic. The same logic applies here.
For many families, the best first step is not a brand-new smartphone with unlimited data. It is either a basic phone for calls and texts, or a smartphone with tight parental controls and a clear purpose.
If you want the benefits without the full risk, consider delaying social media and keeping app downloads locked behind your permission. Plenty of the harm happens in private messaging and DMs, not on the main feed.
Your non-negotiables: the rules that prevent daily chaos
Rules work best when they are specific, visible, and predictable. Vague rules like “be responsible” collapse the first time they are tired, bored, or trying to impress someone.
Start with where the phone lives at night (not in the bedroom), when it is allowed (not during meals, not during homework unless needed), and what happens if rules are broken (short, boring consequences you can follow through on).
A practical baseline many parents use is: no phone overnight, no secret accounts, no disappearing messages, and no new apps without a chat. You are not trying to spy. You are trying to keep the guardrails up while their judgement is still under construction.
The conversations to have before you hand it over
This is where parents often get stuck because it feels awkward. You do not need a lecture. You need a few clear scripts that you repeat calmly.
The “you can always call me” script
“Even if you have messed up, even if you are embarrassed, you can call me. I will help you first. We will talk about consequences later.”
That sentence is protection. It lowers the chance they hide something that escalates.
The group chat script
“Group chats can turn nasty fast. If someone is being cruel, you do not have to fix it. Step out, take screenshots, and tell me.”
Kids often think leaving a chat is “dramatic.” Give them permission to choose peace.
The sexual content script (yes, even for younger kids)
“If someone asks you for a picture of your body, or sends you one, you are not in trouble. Do not forward it. Show me.”
This is how you cut through shame. It also matters because even “between kids” can become illegal and traumatic.
The stranger and scams script
“If someone you do not know tries to move the chat to another app, asks for photos, or offers you something, that is a red flag. Block and tell me.”
Monitoring without becoming the phone police
You do not need to read every message forever. But early on, transparency is part of the deal.
A workable approach is “open phone” time once a week in the early months – you sit together, you look at apps, privacy settings, and anything that felt weird. Keep it calm and curiosity-led. You are teaching them to notice risk, not just hide it.
If you use parental controls, tell them. Secret monitoring tends to backfire because it damages trust and encourages sneakier behaviour. The goal is long-term safety skills, not winning a surveillance contest.
When your child is the only one without a phone
This is the part that gets parents. You can do everything “right” and still watch your child feel left out.
If you are delaying, offer a bridge plan: a basic phone for logistics, or a phone that stays home and is used at set times, or a shared device for messaging close friends. Name the reason without shaming their friends’ families: “Different parents make different calls. Our job is to make the call that works for you and for us.”
Also check whether your child needs more in-person social scaffolding. Sometimes “everyone has a phone” really means “I’m scared I’ll miss out.” That is a connection need, not a shopping list.
If you are saying yes: make it boring, clear, and staged
Handing over a phone is not a one-off gift. It is the start of a routine.
Set it up together. Use a child account, turn off unnecessary location sharing, set time limits, and agree on what happens if the phone distracts from sleep or school. Put your expectations in writing and treat it like a family agreement, not a threat.
If you want a simple framework, think: access increases with trust. If they show good judgement for a few months, you can loosen one setting. If things go sideways, you tighten it again without drama.
If you want more stage-based parenting guidance like this across tech and safety topics, Kiwi Families has a deep library at https://www.kiwifamilies.co.nz.
The question to keep coming back to
Instead of chasing the perfect age, aim for the safest trajectory.
A phone should add capability, not chaos. If it helps your child get home, organise their week, and learn digital judgement with you nearby, it can be a good step. If it instantly takes over sleep, mood, and family life, it is not a failure – it is feedback.
You are allowed to change the plan. You are allowed to hold a boundary even if other families do not. And you are allowed to say yes with guardrails and still be a thoughtful parent.
The best time is when your child can handle a little more freedom, and you can handle a little more coaching – because the goal is not a phone. The goal is a young person who knows what to do when the phone brings the world to their pocket.
